“Professional Assassin” – Monologue

Synopsis: Caleb, a young assassin, introduces himself to an interviewer, his new target.

CALEB: Hi, my name is Caleb. I’m 16 years old. And I kill people for a living. But I’m not really a murderer, that word leaves an ugly taste in my mouth. I don’t kill just anyone. And when I do, it’s not out of hatred or fear of something. I just do it for the money. I’m an assassin. I can’t just steal the money, cause then I’d be a thief. Besides, when they’re dead, the money doesn’t belong to them anymore. And who was the last person they saw before they died, the person who killed them. So it’s only right that they get the money. People have this misconception about assassins. They always think they’re cold-blooded, heartless machines. But if anything, I’d say I care more about people then the people I kill. Water? In fact, this is a funny story, the last guy I assassinated wanted to kill himself in the first place. He stuck the barrel of a handgun into his mouth pointing straight to his brain. But he couldn’t do it and started crying, probably because he thought he was a coward for not pulling the trigger. So I helped him out. Click, boom… Man you should’ve seen it. His head exploded like a juicy tomato. Want one? Blood gushed everywhere and peacefully he went to hell. Such a beautiful thing isn’t it. Wouldn’t you say so?

That’s why I do it. I see kids my age working so hard, studying for hours and hours, and trying to get grants, scholarships, or internships. For what? To become a lawyer, or doctor, or a frickin chiropractor. You really want to be cracking people back for a living. I’ve actually cracked someone back in half, so I can see the fun in that. But textbooks and tests they’re just a boring distraction that you pay for. It won’t teach you a thing about the real world. Experience is the best teacher. Wouldn’t you say so? (Kills target)

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