I found my focus for 2023. It came to me when I was doing my bedtime routine, when all my genius realizations hit me. Healthy relationships. I know when you think of relationships you think of the association of one person to another person or persons. But I mean relationships of all kinds. I want to create more intentional and memorable connections with my passions, friends, my well-being, and God.
I tell myself in order to get rid of the bad in my life, it must be replaced by good. The bad doesn’t just disappear, something has to take its place or it will always come back. The only way to get rid of my toxic relationships, I need to create healthy ones. I’ve been neglecting things that I say I love and am passionate about. I neglect my creative side all too much. I’m afraid that I’m not good enough in the arts. It feels impossible sometimes. Singing. Writing. Acting. Performing. Creating. I feel at a loss. And it’s destroyed my relationship with the arts. I admire the arts from afar, too afraid to get real close and personal with it. I want to take a step closer. And hopefully one step leads to the next. Maybe one day I won’t be so afraid that I just run towards it. Hopefully this also means that I write more and post more on this website. I don’t plan on trying to keep up with a schedule like I attempted and failed in 2022. But as long as I put out work that I am proud of, I’d say I would be happy with what I’ve done at the end of the year.
I had a goal this year, 2022. As it’s coming to an end, I realize even though I had achieved it, it didn’t mean much to me. I challenged myself to make a friend. And I did. In fact, I made a lot of friends. Nothing against the people, but they weren’t fulfilling relationships. And the only person I can put the blame on is me. I didn’t put in effort. I found an easy way to do things. An easy way to make friends. Without really letting myself make connections that mattered. But that changes. I’ll practice being a better friend. Which honestly sounds like one of the hardest things because I believe I’m one of the most introverted people in the world. Sure, I’m great with people, sometimes. But I just can’t seem to find the balance. Have I ever felt like myself with others, I don’t even know.
Onto my relationship with myself. This one is something I feel like I always tell myself I’m working on. But honestly, are the problems I’m facing today really all that different from the problems I was facing years ago? So was I really working on myself, or procrastinating on myself. I think the best thing I can do is to find a balance. To not neglect the different parts of myself. Don’t focus too much on one piece of me, and let the puzzle of my life come together.
God might be at the top of the list of parts of me I’ve neglected. The most difficult part is that I can’t find the motivation to look after that part of me anymore. Though I realize motivation isn’t what I need. God’s given me another day and I pray many more. There’s enough opportunity already in front of me. A healthy connection with God is the best relationship I could think of. I feel like these past few years were interesting for everyone and their own personal relationships. Maybe it was because of the pandemic or maybe I’m biased because I’m in some of the most vital years of my life, everyone’s lives have changed these past few years. And everyone’s lives can change for the better with the help of more meaningful and intentional relationships. And this is something that I don’t want to stop at the end of the year, but something that I hope grows until the day I die. Looking forward to the relationships that I become a part of or make stronger in the future!